I don’t really know what this has to do with compromise, but it’s on my heart so here goes.
There are some types of compromise in this world that are the right thing to do. There are others that are not.
Recently, I read a blog post that had some points I agreed with, but the title, for lack of a better word, painted all people of a certain ethnicity into one particular stereotype.
I hemmed and hawed for a few days about this. I said something about it on Twitter, and someone I respect and admire reminded me that civil discourse matters.
When the individual had posted their blog to one channel, everyone had agreed with the individual’s viewpoint. My decision to take a civil approach was to send a private message.
The response back was snide, dismissive, accusatory and belittling.
I replied back with a civil but brief reply. I thought the situation was over. The individual definitely did not have to agree with me. It was their blog after all!
I revisited their profile a few days later because I was still interested in their work (which is in the diversity field). Lo and behold they had posted my initial message (without identifying me). All they said besides posting my message was “No.”
Here’s the thing. I said what I said. I didn’t plan for it to be made public, but I don’t write things without knowing in the back of my mind they *could* be made public.
I responded to each person (and ALL of the comments were negative toward my message) to the degree possible (except the truly obnoxious ones — there’s no response adequate in that situation). I gave my email address publicly to engage in a dialogue that would hopefully be more constructive than adversarial.
***end of five minutes***
Ultimately, the person who originally posted my message left a lengthy comment and said they were “not going to spend any more emotional labor” on me.
Here’s the thing. If my words are shared in a way that threatens to compromise my integrity, the most human thing I know to do is to account for those words.
Unfortunately, the lesson I learned was that not everyone is willing to do that. And no matter how much life experience you have, that can still be a tough relationship truth to accept.
Welcome to this week’s Five Minute Friday. Our instructions, via creator Kate Motaung: “Write for five minutes on the word of the week. This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation.” (But I can’t resist spell checking, as you can imagine.)
Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many. My pronouns are she/her/hers.