FMF31 2018 Day 5: SHARE

I am participating in 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes 2018 (all of my submissions can be found here).

Today’s prompt is: SHARE

Five Minute Friday

Here’s what’s on my mind about sharing: I am glad people feel they can share personal things with me. Is there any greater gift than someone’s trust?

I do have trouble doing the same — sharing my personal challenges and issues with someone else. Not so much here on the blog though! Maybe there’s a difference between writing and speaking that type of thing.

It seems to be a feature of our digital world, too, that it is mysteriously easier to share with people we have never met face to face (and may never meet in person). It’s a bit of a false sense of security, I suppose, and once you’ve committed your deepest fears and secrets to the cyberworld, it is ripe for being cut and pasted if you lose the trust of the person with whom you’ve shared. Maybe that’s an argument for making it a point to get together in person more often.

It is a powerful thing to share our fears. It seems that communicating them to another person somehow dilutes the hold they can have over our spirits. At least that seems to be the case with me. I have a private Facebook group that is extremely limited, with people I trust implicitly. So many fears/concerns have found their way to that safe place (and every time I check to make sure I didn’t post them to my public Facebook page, which would be a bit disastrous!). I am so thankful for this outlet.

That reminds me of a dear friend who said, “let’s have coffee soon.” Maybe I need to take care of making that spot on my calendar today.

Five Minute Friday Story

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

FMF31 2018 Day 3: BELIEVE

I am participating in 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes 2018 (all of my submissions can be found here).

Today’s prompt is: BELIEVE

It’s hard to avoid all of the discussions nationally right now about the believability of people’s stories about experiencing sexual assault.

If my parents had not believed my story at 13, I am convinced the damage would have been worse emotionally. As it was, the situation left me doubting myself and scrambling to put together my ability to trust. I imagine my parents, too, scratched their heads thinking about all the times I had been dropped off at his house to work on various projects related to the organization for which he was an advisor and I was a member.

The situation I became involved in led me to *never* ask “why?” when I was in charge of the nursery at my church, had to be trained in sexual abuse prevention, and was told things like “all doors have to have windows so people can see in” and “adults should never be in a car with a young person without another adult present.” It sounds conservative, and we all would just like the simplicity of being able to trust other people, but our world was that complex 40 years ago and doesn’t seem to have changed much. (I would argue, though, that our ability to pull out a phone and record things is creating some change. We’ll see.)

Someone I loved believed me. It mattered then, and it matters now.

Five Minute Friday Story

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

FMF31 2018 Day 2: AFRAID

I am participating in 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes 2018 (all of my submissions can be found here).

Today’s prompt is: AFRAID

I was grappling with something emotionally this week. Although on its surface, it was a “small” thing, it had grown to epic proportions in my head.

It was without a doubt the kind of thing I could have made definitive progress on given an hour with a good therapist.

I even found a good therapist. She’s someone I know, who in a different capacity was our family’s social worker when my father-in-law was in hospice care. She is practicing on her own now. The beauty of using her? She knows me (relatively well — I mean she was “part of” our family in a raw, dark time). I know her skills well enough (I mean, she elicited emotional(ish) responses from my stoic, ill father-in-law and provided some degree of emotional support to my (also relatively stoic) husband. I could fast forward through much context because she knows.

And yet ….. I wavered.

Instead of spending $100 (a fair price – and she charges sliding scale, which doesn’t help me but I still think is cool), I paid for my indecision and emotional paralysis — for being afraid I had said the wrong thing in a situation that mattered deeply to me — not with $100 in cash but in the heavy emotional price of questioning myself and staying stuck. I knew (though) time would work it out. And as it turns out the situation did resolve.

But why do we keep cashing in our emotional reserves when an hour at the “mental health bank” could possibly make us whole again?

Five Minute Friday Story

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

FMF31 2018 Day 1: STORY

I am participating in 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes 2018 (all of my submissions can be found here).

Today’s prompt is: STORY

I was involved in a remarkable Facebook Live yesterday. Typically, that Facebook Live is a “readalong” of the Sunday New York times. Yesterday was different.

We did have the Times as our anchor, but given the public discourse underway about people’s very personal experiences with sexual assault, we touched on the paper but focused more intently on people’s stories.

I had a small role behind the scenes helping the host by adding relevant links (for example, one of the participants spoke about Denim Day Milwaukee and I dropped in that link).

The host had told me on the phone the night before that he planned to share his personal story about sexual assault. Once he knew I had a story, he asked if I wanted to share mine. A few hours later, I said I would.

As it turns out, I wasn’t able to join the Facebook Live even though I was willing, so I wrote it all out in the comments. To help the people who only listen to the readout instead of watch, the host read my story out loud.

And at that moment, it occurred to me that although it would have been powerful for me to tell my story on camera, perhaps the true power of stories lies, in a way, in writing them out and then hearing them from someone else’s voice. It’s a different type of sharing that enables them to experience what I have to say in a different way.

I left the hour and a half (plus, because we ran over) grateful for the communities we stumble into in this life, for “old-fashioned” paper newspapers that evolve into digital communities, and for being able to trust people I have never met, who have still proven their credibility in other ways, with my most difficult experiences.

Five Minute Friday Story

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

31 Days of Five-Minute Free Writes 2018

I am participating in the 2018 “31 days of 5-minute free writes” activity (like I did last year).

Here are the prompts:

 

And I’ll come in and link up each day after writing.

10/1 Story

10/2 Afraid

10/3 Believe

10/4 Why

10/5 FMF Prompt – Share

10/6 Belong

10/7 Hope

10/8 Comfort

10/9 Inspire

10/10 How

10/11 Door

10/12 Praise

10/13 Talk

10/14 Ask

10/15 When

10/16 Pray

10/17 Pause

10/18 Search

10/19 Prompt

10/20 Audience

10/21 Start

10/22 Help

10/23 Common

10/24 Brief

10/25 Capture

10/26 Prompt

10/27 Whole

10/28 Song

10/29 Together

10/30 Voice

10/31 Close

(And to those of you who subscribe to my blog, thank you first of all! I am sorry this is going to multiply the number of emails you get from me for a month. Feel free to ignore them and meet me on November 1 when I’ll return to my regularly scheduled weekly programming.)

 

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

Five Minute Friday: COMPLETE

 

Five Minute Friday

Today’s Prompt: COMPLETE

“Pick a stick from this bag,” said the facilitator at last night’s “Happy Hour” focused on STD Prevention. (For the record, the bag was filled with popsicle sticks of varying colors and condoms.) I took one, no questions asked.

Once everyone had chosen a stick, the facilitator told me what our sticks represented:

Orange: HIV

Blue: Syphilis

Yellow: Chlamydia

Red: HPV

Purple: Gonorrhea

Green: Negative

As you can see below, I “had” chlamydia.

Five Minute Friday

This is an exercise educators use to help young people (and, apparently 53-year-old people) understand the effects of their actions.

“Did you think to ask me ‘why should I take that stick?’ he asked us.” NO. We just did it, because he offered.

I attended the event because I wanted to reconnect with the world of education/advocacy about Sexually Transmitted Diseases in advance of today’s #ADayWithHIV (here’s a previous year’s post).

In addition to the samples of how the educators connect with young people (like the popsicle stick activity), there were discussions of the basics about STDs and how they are transmitted.

More than the graphic pictures and the clinical discussion, though, I was struck by something the educator said overtly once or twice but implied throughout: people have sex with other people, even in situations that they may *know* are risky, because they lack the self esteem to advocate for themselves.

They see it as something that will make them complete, yet it may lead to illness, pain and an altered life course.

This is why we owe it to our fellow human beings to help do something to build up, not tear down, self esteem when possible.

 

Five Minute Friday

 

 

 

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

Five Minute Friday: CROWD

Five Minute Friday

Today’s Prompt: CROWD

I haven’t done a Black Friday shopping trip in years, and I never was crazed like some people get, but the crowds can get insane. If you’re having trouble conjuring an image (which you probably aren’t!), here’s help:

This is what my brain has looked like in the early mornings for a long time, as I immediately picked up my phone to check email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and possibly a few other things the minute I was out of bed. Not to delve into TMI land, but I do mean first thing.

I was unleashing a flood of other people’s priorities, not to mention some truly superficial bits of information, into my head.

As I began my full-time job Monday, I wanted to turn over a new leaf. Although I had been working at the organization already as a freelancer, and mostly full-time hours, I have a renewed sense of the need to focus, especially since the bulk of the work is editing (as a freelancer, a portion of my responsibilities included research and writing, which to me requires a bit of a different focus approach).

I decided if I wasn’t able to live without my phone for that first few minutes (sigh), at least I could be doing something that contributes to my ability to focus and incorporates a positive, uplifting message for the day.

That’s why I put Daily Burst from AudioJoy on my phone. Each morning, the app serves up a thought-provoking or inspiring quote, an article (which I don’t usually read…but it’s there), a scale to gauge how I am feeling that day, and a brief audio reflection (3-5 minutes) with the accompanying text.

***end of five minutes***

My brain is not a loss-leader meant to be fought over by other people with their own priorities.

It is the only one I have, the resource I need to do a job I love already well, and something over which I want to take firm control.

Today’s reading included this passage, which I find much more constructive than a doorbuster.

Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday

 

 

 

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

Five Minute Friday: RAIN

Five Minute Friday

Today’s Prompt: RAIN

When I went grocery shopping at Publix recently, a little voice in the back of my head said, “take the umbrella.”

It’s not, of course, uncommon to have an unexpected deluge here in Florida in the late afternoon, but I often think “I can sprint to the car” if it’s raining.

Not that day.

Between the time the automatic doors swished open and the time I got to my car, the skies had opened up.

I must have looked *hilarious* trying to juggle the groceries (being especially careful not to drop the wine!) and the umbrella. I didn’t do a very good job because I came out of the process soaked to the bone.

I took a picture (from inside the car) to share a humorous tweet about the inevitability of the daily shopping trip (specifically the car-loading portion) intersecting with the daily downpour.

I could just share the picture here, but I think it’s important to keep the ability to craft images using only words. I’m a pretty visual person, so that’s always been a challenge.

This day, the rain seemed bent on invading every thread of my clothing. I suppose it’s good that I had gotten plastic bags (I usually ask for paper) because paper would have deteriorated in the rain and I would have run the risk of dropping all the groceries (did I mention the importance of protecting the wine?!).

The umbrella was blowing inside out because it was so windy. I did get my phone in the truck (priorities) because a waterlogged phone was the last thing I needed.

***end of five minutes***

My head was trying to embrace the “isn’t life an adventure and isn’t it a privilege to be holding all these groceries, to not have to worry about where the next meal will come from?” angle but my annoyance was winning out, I must say.

What I know beyond a doubt, though, is that I had a dry home to which to return and a roof over my head, not to mention the ability to laugh at my “misfortune,” so my annoyance abated almost as quickly as a Florida afternoon thunderstorm.

Five Minute Friday

 

 

 

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

Five Minute Friday: RUSH

Five Minute Friday

Today’s Prompt: RUSH

Full disclosure: I am having trouble focusing today. Usually, for my Five Minute Friday, I set the timer and put on classical music so that I can concentrate.

Not today!

I can’t tear myself away from Aretha Franklin’s funeral, for one thing (a favorite line, from former President Clinton: “she decided to be the composer of her own life song.”) Isn’t that awesome?

I suppose I *can* tear myself away, though, because I’m listening to Les Brown right now in preparation for embedding this video into today’s post:

Here’s the role this video had in my life this week. (The version I was shown was a bit abbreviated, but the theme is the same.) I was preparing for a job interview I had been working toward for quite a few months. The time had finally come and I was trying to figure out how to convey that one of my best qualities is consistency.

I asked an extremely tight-knit (and private) small group of friends for parables or other brief stories and examples about consistency. My friend Yolanda said: this is what I think of you … and linked to this video.

I started watching the video and found myself crying the most genuine tears I’ve cried since my mom died in February. I don’t want to spoil it by telling you the video’s point, but in essence it is …

***end of five minutes***

…that sometimes the efforts we make to nurture the things that matter in life take an agonizingly long time. Sometimes it doesn’t look like you’re making progress. BUT if you are consistent in preparing, growth may come in a rush when all that patient nurturing pays off.

I encourage you to watch it too. Maybe you’ll carry away a different lesson than I did, but I think you’ll find something inspiring or motivational.

And on a different topic, I want to ask your good thoughts and prayers for Megan Johnson. It doesn’t render well below, but the caption to this Instagram picture is “when the why is clear, the how is easy.” I’m not sure if the “how” of things has been especially easy for me even though my “why” has felt pretty consistent over the last few years. Yet, I am touched by her sentiment and I want to encourage everyone’s thoughts, since she was hit by a drunk driver recently (as per Annie Jorgensen, Miss Georgia ). Annie says Megan is stable but in pain. If you happen to be on Instagram, rush on over and leave her some kind and healing thoughts please!


Five Minute Friday

 

 

 

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.

Five Minute Friday: LOYAL

Five Minute Friday

Today’s Prompt: LOYAL

Because of the current political climate, I had plenty of opportunities today to pull a quote about loyalty related to our president’s expectations. Things along the lines of “everyone knows loyalty is what matters most to him.”

But. I. won’t. do. that.

Instead, what is on my mind is something I said in an email to a prospective employer recently. This was a follow-up to a verbal conversation that had occurred between the individual and me a few weeks prior. In trying to extend our rapport (and make my case), I mentioned that, above all, I am loyal.

That particular situation didn’t pan out, but the door is still open (and I am glad).

But I have asked myself since I pressed “send” on that email if loyalty has become an old-fashioned notion, if emphasizing it as one of my strongest qualities is a quaint, Baby Boomeresque choice that actually works against me.

Moving on from that particular email exchange (but staying, in general, on the topic of who we choose to (get to!) work for, I’ll just say — in general, if being loyal is wrong, I’ll take my chances.

Leaving Healthy Kids after (almost) 20 years in May 2014 was the right thing to do, and I didn’t know …

*** end of five minutes ***

…at the time that the vista of “jobs that weren’t quite as soul sucking as my previous one had become” would shrink to “jobs that I could do from home while being caregiver to someone with short-term memory disorder, the side effects of two mini-strokes and cancer” but I am confident that whatever happens in the future, there have been lessons about loyalty from my experiences as a freelancer.

I have learned:

From the first freelance position I held after my transition, that we get exposed to people who will be a part of our universe long after the formal freelance situation ends. (And that my loyalty leads me to overdeliver (or try to…) which requires some moderating to use the employer’s resources most effectively and not create unrealistic expectations for the next freelancer after me who inherits the tasks……)

From another freelance position I held for a few months, that sometimes leaders have loyalties that are somewhat mystifying and completely unrelated to the quality, consistency, and heart you as the freelancer put in. I chalked that one up to “lessons learned” and still retained the “good” relationships and contacts (and did I mention the lessons learned?) that came out of it?

I also have had one several-hour shift as a photographer’s assistant for a large business that does photography at graduations, etc. (and another one coming up this Sunday). The coordinator at the first shift I did said, “I had three assistants in your position say they would show up to the last graduation I did, and they just didn’t show.”

WHO. DOES. THAT?!

Loyalty may or may not be old-fashioned but in my book, it never goes out of style and always adds positive organizational fuel. My plan is to keep showing up, loyally.

Five Minute Friday

 

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many.