TOGETHER:
Many of my days this past week have led me to question what “together” really means.
As I mentioned last week, my dad became hospitalized on July 26 after a fall at his assisted living facility. My daughter covered the first hours after his admission (because I was out of state on business). I was there Wednesday through Saturday. My son and daughter-in-law were there on Sunday. I was back Monday through Wednesday. I took a COVID-19 test this past Thursday morning, and my plans to return to the hospital were immediately scuttled when I tested positive.
But the days I have been there, especially the ones this past week, he was relatively out of things mentally. Part of the time, he was hallucinating. I sometimes moved out of his line of sight, because I felt like it may have been more irritating for me to keep saying, “I’ll hand you that [drink, paper, toothbrush, whatever he was seeing] a little later” than for me to not respond at all.
I felt torn because I was working on my laptop some of the time (if he were fully with it, I imagine he would not be surprised by this … and I’m not implying my employer was not cutting me a break). I also (full disclosure) watched some movies and TV shows.
I do feel like it makes a difference for a patient, even if they aren’t cognizant of a loved one’s presence, for a family member to be in the room. (I also feel it makes a difference for medical staff to see that family members are around, both from an accountability standpoint and because sometimes they can just use another set of eyes.)
I suppose I may never know if he feels or felt this has been enough “togetherness,” but every health care journey seems to unfold in a unique way, no matter how hard we try to pin things down.
**Note: I realize I repeat some themes this week that I covered last week. It’s a free write, what can I say? This is what’s on my mind**
Welcome to this week’s Five Minute Friday. Our instructions, via coordinator Kate Motaung: “Write for five minutes on the word of the week. This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation.” (But I can’t resist spell checking, as you can imagine.)
Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many. My pronouns are she/her/hers.
Even if he doesn’t know
you’re there, he knows you’re there,
and it’s a very basic need to show
you really care.
A hospital’s a warehouse
when one’s long-time I’ll,
and though I do not mean to grouse
you gotta know I will,
’cause workload on the staff is high,
they may not know a patient’s name;
in they come, hello, goodbye,
that revolving-door game,
and even if the real is gone,
he needs someone he can count on.
Hi Andrew. I knew you would be the first to comment, and I knew it would be perfect. These nurses, and the paraprofessionals — have to a person been amazing. Being in a teaching hospital, though, has its drawbacks. Someday I’ll find a way to give feedback to the well-meaning resident who repeatedly said, “Is taking him home an option?” A valid question, but when you put all of the factors of the situation in place, not a valid option and (most importantly) not what my dad would want. Anyway, thank you as always.
For at least five years, my mother slowly left us, little by little, her love always there, her mind leaving her. Painful. I was with her when she died, weeping, calling out to my father to come get her. It is all a mystery. But each one of us will have to face it. Wishing you blessings, Beth
Such a mystery — I agree. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
it makes a difference. rest assured. it makes a difference.
He feels your presence even if he doesn’t acknowledge it, or can’t. Still, a heartbreaking situation. I went through it with my dad.
I’m sorry Laurie – thank you for sharing.
I agree! He knows.
And just as importantly, you know!
Yes, precisely. Thank you. <3
Sending you and your family thoughts and prayers, Paula. They do know that we’re around and that we care, even if we don’t get that from watching them.
So true Corinne. Thanks for the reassurance.
As has been said. You all know that you are together at this time that is a mystery to us. Being together is very important for every reason. Blessings to you.
Thank you so much, Dawn.