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October 2, 2018

FMF31 2018 Day 2: AFRAID

I am participating in 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes 2018 (all of my submissions can be found here).

Today’s prompt is: AFRAID

I was grappling with something emotionally this week. Although on its surface, it was a “small” thing, it had grown to epic proportions in my head.

It was without a doubt the kind of thing I could have made definitive progress on given an hour with a good therapist.

I even found a good therapist. She’s someone I know, who in a different capacity was our family’s social worker when my father-in-law was in hospice care. She is practicing on her own now. The beauty of using her? She knows me (relatively well — I mean she was “part of” our family in a raw, dark time). I know her skills well enough (I mean, she elicited emotional(ish) responses from my stoic, ill father-in-law and provided some degree of emotional support to my (also relatively stoic) husband. I could fast forward through much context because she knows.

And yet ….. I wavered.

Instead of spending $100 (a fair price – and she charges sliding scale, which doesn’t help me but I still think is cool), I paid for my indecision and emotional paralysis — for being afraid I had said the wrong thing in a situation that mattered deeply to me — not with $100 in cash but in the heavy emotional price of questioning myself and staying stuck. I knew (though) time would work it out. And as it turns out the situation did resolve.

But why do we keep cashing in our emotional reserves when an hour at the “mental health bank” could possibly make us whole again?

Five Minute Friday Story

Paula Kiger

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many. My pronouns are she/her/hers.

Filed Under: Five Minute Friday Tagged With: Five Minute Friday Afraid

Previous Post: « FMF31 2018 Day 1: STORY
Next Post: FMF31 2018 Day 3: BELIEVE »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jane says

    October 2, 2018 at 8:37 am

    What a blessing to have a great therapist who ‘knows’ you from times both good and bad. We never outgrow our need to have someone to dump on while we sort our way out.

    Reply
    • Paula Kiger says

      October 2, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      So very true!

      Reply
  2. Tara says

    October 2, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    Proud of you! It takes courage to get the help we need.

    Reply
    • Paula Kiger says

      October 2, 2018 at 9:28 pm

      It’s definitely easier to encourage someone else to do it than do to it myself.

      Reply
  3. Diane says

    October 3, 2018 at 11:44 am

    I am a definite believer in therapy. Talk, talk, talk it out. So glad it was resolved and so sorry for your pain!

    Reply
    • Paula Kiger says

      October 3, 2018 at 12:00 pm

      Thanks, Diane. I am too but it’s easier to encourage someone else to go than to make myself go, I have to say!

      Reply

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