Full disclosure before you read more: this is a curmudgeon post, not my usual sunshine and rainbows. It’s just how I feel. I support everyone’s choices (okay, maybe not the one with the live alligator, but I’m getting ahead of myself…)
9 Reasons Gender Reveals Make Me Uneasy
Many of them involve contraptions that emit pink or blue smoke. It’s dramatic (which is cool and makes for great pictures) but (and I realize this is a bit of an optical illusion) it appears to suffocate all the celebrants.
The “shooting” imagery weirds me out. This is often part of the “smoke” gender reveals (but also part of the “confetti” gender reveals). Sometimes, the father-to-be is pointing the shooting mechanism that is going to emit the smoke or the confetti at the pregnant woman. What’s up with that?
The sharp objects involved are so … evil-looking. Especially with those ubiquitous black balloons filled with pink or blue mini-balloons, someone has to wield a sharp object to pop the thing. It’s strange to me. (Related: one gender reveal I saw had a complicated (and, honestly, very cool-looking) balloon creation that replicated the mother. The gender reveal was done by inserting a sharp object into the balloon “belly,” which then released the gender-disclosing balloons. It was seriously disturbing to watch the real mom plunge the sharp implement into the balloon belly.)
They are pretentious. Not all gender reveals are pretentious. Some are simple and elegant at the same time. But the extravagant productions make me scratch my head. Some are so over the top.
They freak the siblings out. I have seen multiple gender reveal videos where a toddler is totally intimidated by the smoke, the general hullabaloo, or the sight of their parents jumping around like lunatics in celebration. (While, of course, the photographer hired to document the occasion tries to capture the picture-perfect shot that captures the family’s bliss and glee.)
Something could go wrong. Granted, this is just the way I think about the world (despite my Optimism Light persona). But what if the vendor packed pink balloons instead of blue? What if someone is allergic to tinted smoke? What if the sharp implement slips? What if the car with the special burnout packet designed to emit tinted smoke has an accident or runs into a participant? My list goes on and on. In addition, unless people get a chromosomal analysis, ultrasounds have been wrong.
“Flaming balls”? There’s a particular type of firework that emits “flaming balls.” Here’s an example I saw on Instagram.
“Shoots flaming balls.” What could possibly go wrong?
The mixed messages are off-putting. I love a good theme as much as the next person, but some of the messages (and the way they are implemented) make me want to wash my hands). Specifically, there’s an entire genre of “here for the sex” products and themes. One Gender Reveal video I saw showed the mom, dad and a sibling who appeared to be around 9 years old cutting into an “I’m here for the sex” cake. How did they explain what “here for the sex” means?
Our society is at a different place about gender norms. A few popular themes include “quarterback or cheerleader,” “boots or bows,” “staches or lashes” and “cupcake or stud muffin.” You can peruse many more through this link. It would be dishonest of me to say that my expectations during my pregnancies didn’t align pretty much with traditional “pink or blue” and “ballerina or ball player” thoughts. My kids are both cisgender and my daughter is a ballerina while my son is a car guy, but something about these themes seems at odds with an increasing awareness of intersectionality and the growing acknowledgement in society that many people don’t identify as strictly male or female. I suppose it’s a topic for a different post (or, honestly, coffee in person — gender fluidity is something that takes nuance and diplomacy, in my opinion) but I suppose ultimately what I would rather a reveal predict is “this kid is going to be an amazing, compassionate, capable human being who makes the world a better place!”
BUT
I’m going to pull myself out of curmudgeon land for a moment to say this: Sometimes a gender reveal is the right thing to do and brings joy to everyone around. I may differ on how people choose to share details as their pregnancies progress (one wish I have regarding mine is that I had waited to be surprised regarding the gender of one of my children, honestly), but ultimately whether someone finds out at all, chooses to share the information, posts a simple picture to Instagram or puts on a lavish party, a new baby brings hope. The biggest thing a Gender Reveal shows is that we can all put aside the pessimism so predominant in our world today for a moment to celebrate new beginnings.
Here’s one that doesn’t get a complete curmudgeon vote from me. I admire this family for finding a way to celebrate their new arrival even though they are physically separated*:
*And I acknowledge that this gender reveal leaves some people (including me) with a not-so-great feeling because it implies the gender (male) is what the dad prefers. Otherwise, it makes me happy.
Ed. Note: The New York times published It’s a Girl! It’s a Boy! And for the Gender-Reveal Cake, It May Be the End on 6/17/19. I wonder if the trend is on its way out.
Also worth a read: The Mom Blogger Who Had The First Viral Gender Reveal Has A New Perspective After Raising Her Daughter
And: “Gender Reveal” Celebration in Texas Led to a Plane Crash (paywall)
I am linking this post with Kat Bouska’s blog this week, for the prompt “Write a blog post in exactly 9 lines.” I fudged a bit but there are nine specific lines here about my topic!
Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many. My pronouns are she/her/hers.
I’ve never been fond of baby shower things of any sort (too much fuss) and actually haven’t been to one in years. (You get to be senior in life and your friends with kids have kids leaving the nest. they ought to invent “leaving the nest” parties) The best game I saw at a baby shower though was the suitcase game, where the mom to be is blindfolded and must put on all the clothing items in a suitcase. It was hilarious.
Leaving the nest parties! I’m so in for this idea! We actually found we had surpluses of things that used to stream out the door (like bottled water) but the idea does indeed have potential! 🙂
I didn’t even know there is an industry of products for ‘gender reveal’. I am so out of it but after reading your post I am with it! Even now being in the know I am in the curmudgeon camp.
It’s a big industry. And there’s a new thing (I can never remember the name) … sip and see … where you hold a party so people can see the new baby. Having had both my showers after the babies were here (because they were early) I am grateful someone else was hosting — I could barely pull myself together to attend a party someone else was throwing for me LOL. Anyway, to each her own.
I’m afraid I’m old school. Gender reveal with baby reveal. But that’s me. I find it funny that there is such a fuss made when a couple of years down the road those same parents will be swearing the gender is something different anyways!
I think (upon further reflection) that the gender thing and stereotypes are part of what doesn’t sit right with me. But I recognize that this is very meaningful to some people so they can have at it. 🙂
yea, i’m w/ you on this one sister. i rather enjoyed the mystery. I could’ve found out what my last one was for sure, but i opted not to. drove people nuts. it all seems a bit overkill and more about the “selfie” image in some cases. but that one military one was kinda sweet. 😉
It’s ironic that I found out re: my daughter. Her room was yellow and intentionally flexible re: decor. But I was a little freaked out about that genetic test so gave up on the suspense idea. I suppose what matters is that both of mine are awesome in the long run!