Welcome to this week’s Five Minute Friday. Our instructions, via creator Kate Motaung: “Write for five minutes on the word of the week. This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation.”
Today’s prompt: BEAUTY
Many things about my mom’s life between December 11, when she was admitted to UF Health, through February 13, when she died at North Florida Regional Hospital, were not beautiful.
- The indignities of being handled so much by so many people
- Not being able to take care of bodily functions privately
- Not being able to breathe
- Not being able to drink water while on CPap and BiPap (and intubated)
- The broken wrist she incurred a few days before she died
- Breathing treatments, IVs, heparin shots, insulin shots, stool softeners, swallow tests, bronchoscopies
The two months unfolded strangely and unpredictably. During about a week and a half of her time in rehab at Lake Butler Hospital, she was doing so well. Walking. Breathing without the aid of oxygen.
Every time I would call, she was say the same thing: “How are ya?” The typewritten words on a screen don’t do justice to the joy she exuded knowing that she was talking to me. Being a mom, even though she was the sick one, I could tell she was happy I was okay (moms never stop worrying about that).
I don’t understand why the two months played out the way they did, but they gave me more time, beautiful time. Over this time she reminded me that she derived joy from being with her family.
I had been oblivious to how much she needed that for quite some time.
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Coincidentally, since this week’s word is beauty, this is the verse I chose for my mom’s funeral program:
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4
I am grateful for her gentle and quiet spirit; she was an unfading beauty inside and out. 
This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday linkup.
Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many. My pronouns are she/her/hers.
What a sweet tribute to your mom. I know the kind of exuberance you describe. My mom is that way when I call or visit her at the nursing home she lives at. I think mom’s are really good at embodying that inner and outer beauty.
They surely are, Tara.
I am so sorry about your loss Paula. I know your mom would want you to take care of yourself during this time of grief. I hope you are.
Thanks, Rena — I know that’s important.
Paula, I am sorry about what you’ve gone through. But I just love so much the way you described beauty, and how it was inspired by that brief period.
And you have described the final weeks exactly as they often are, just bewildering with such feelings of powerless.
You are reaching those moments that wait beyond the fog now, those deep reflections that have been completed by knowing a loved one for as you possibly could.
I appreciated every word of what you wrote. Thank you.
Thank YOU, Susan.
Beautiful
Thanks.
Paula, I’m so sorry for your loss. This is so moving and, as you write so eloquently, there is beauty to be found in even the worst of circumstances if we look for it. Your mother should be a lesson to us to find the joy in those circumstances as well.
She really should, Donna. I appreciate you stopping by and sharing in this memory.
Paula, this is a searingly holy essay.
She was a holy woman, so that means so much to hear. Thank you.
Paula, I am so very sorry for your loss. I love what you shared about your time with your mom and how important and how much joy that time brought her. Thank you so much for sharing something so dear. You have given a gentle reminder to me to remember to keep my mom and dad a priority.
Thank you, Kelly. It’s a gentle reminder I certainly should have heeded; I wish you many happy moments with your mom and dad. <3