155 Big Green Pen Minutes Day Thirty-one: Rest

I am participating in the 31 Days of Free Writes October challenge. This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation.

Today’s prompt: Rest

Today is the FINAL day of the 31 days of 5-minute free writes challenge, and appropriately enough the final word is “rest.”

Maybe many writers will do this topic in a Genesis-type way (and on the 7th day He rested kind of thing) but this topic, for me, brings up my sporadic and mysterious approach to rest.

I read a mental health post a while back and the author said she had been “stress sleeping,” and I thought “hmmm …… me too (maybe).”

For years (decades really), I prided myself on being able to get through life with very little rest. Take on a freelance project on top of the day job to try to earn money? Check! I can sleep later (?). The choices I made that obligated me to avoid rest in order to fulfill some monetary or status (volunteering) need added up.

And now I can’t get enough.

It helps that we are out of the caregiving phase — I don’t think I ever fully rested while Dad was with us (at night anyway), especially the last year or so when he was prone to wander the house at night and need to be redirected. I am not sure I got any REM sleep that three years (it felt that way anyhow).

I am fairly convinced that some of my fatigue IS physical, not just emotional. I have always, notably, gotten sleepy in meetings, while driving, any time I am not moving around.

But the “stress sleeping” bears some weight too. When I’m asleep it’s the most reliable way to shut my brain down for a bit.

Rest can be very unrestful, it turns out, unless we make our emotional bed once in a while.

Paula Kiger

Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many. My pronouns are she/her/hers.