I am participating in the 31 Days of Free Writes October challenge. This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation. (Confession: I *may* not be able to resist spell-checking!)
Today’s prompt: Truth
I would be a horrible poker player. If I am holding the wrong cards but don’t want my fellow players to know, I am likely to give myself away. I am a horrible liar, white lie, big lie — any lie.
BUT —- being a caregiver of someone with severe short-term memory loss helped me hone my skills in the “white lie” department. Over the three years, I came to see that as a compassionate thing (and a sanity saver for me).
One of my fears as I weigh out whether or not to write a book about my caregiving experience is the concern that I am rapidly losing the details. I wish I had kept a journal. It all seemed so fraught at the time — emotionally, from a time management perspective, etc.
But white lies, they happened. Before the first bout of cancer, Dad was still determined to get to the bar every day (he had a habit of going at 4 p.m.). A day’s level of “pleasant” was made or broken on whether we went or not. I don’t recall that I ever downright said it was “closed” BUT I definitely said my husband was “still at work” when I knew he was at the bar (he goes there every day after work himself).
He lived for his son to get home (second, I guess to living to go to the bar every day). It wouldn’t do for him to know Wayne was there but I had not taken Dad.
The truth is, we have to be creative sometimes to provide the most loving environment for the people in our lives.
Wife of one, Mom of two, Friend of many. My pronouns are she/her/hers.